


Love Is Blind

by buckyscrystalqueen



Series: Love Is Blind [1]
Category: The Walking Dead, The Walking Dead (TV), Walking Dead
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-27
Updated: 2019-06-03
Packaged: 2020-02-07 13:49:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18621904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buckyscrystalqueen/pseuds/buckyscrystalqueen





	1. Chapter 1

You were not supposed to be alive. Not in a ‘depressed, I hate life, kill me now’ kinda way, but in a ‘how the hell am I still alive during the freaking apocalypse because I’m as blind as a bat’ way. You figured, when you heard the initial announcement, that since you lived alone as a widow, you would be one of the first to get infected. You were just lucky like that. Same as how you lost your eye sight in a stupid car accident the day you got your drivers license. But your brother hauled ass over to your house, packed you, and your guide dog, Shadow, and brought you to hide out in the apartment building he owned, managed, and lived in. You never were supposed to survive for eight years into the end of the world… but you did. But you also knew that one day, your luck was going to change…

——

“OK…” You said to yourself as you stood beside your open bedroom window with a hand made bed sheet sign that you seriously hoped read ‘Blind Woman Need Help’ clearly in your hand. “OK, I can do this.” Your fingers felt along the edges until you found the nail you had previously pushed through the cloth to make this task a little more simple. “I’m not that pathetic, I can at least signal for help. I can do that much without Jake here.” When you had a hold of the second nail, which had two nails side by side letting you know that was the start of your message, you shuffled closer to the window and carefully leaned out. 

In the years you had been living in this building, you had heard groups of people driving, and then walking by your building every couple weeks. None of them ever stopped to see if your building was empty, but that could have been because Jake had made sure that the lower floors looked thoroughly raided early on so that when he was out scavenging, you were still safe. He never left you for more than a couple days at a time but this last time, he had been gone for almost two weeks and you didn’t know what else to do.

“Hey!” A man’s voice called out right as you leaned out the window with your small hammer in your hand, causing you to scream, and drop not only your hammer, but your sign, too.

“Please don’t hurt me!” You begged as you held your hands up in surrender. “I need help. I’m blind and my brother… he didn’t come back…”

“You’re blind?” The man called out as you ducked down a bit behind the window ledge to use the building as a shield.

“Please…” You nodded as you strained to hear any indication as to how many people you were talking to. “I don’t have much of anything to give you, and I can’t see to leave by myself. I’ve just heard people going by for years and I just… I need help. Please.” There was a slight shift of the gravel in the parking lot and a loud sigh, leading you to assume since there was no verbal debate, this man was alone.

“Fuck.” The man grumbled. “Alright, I’m coming up.”

“Wait, you need this!” You said as you stood up quickly, whacking your shoulder on the window frame, hard. “Ow! Shit! OK, find the door with the same color band around it. The other ones are booby trapped. Then you just follow the string.” You pulled off the string bracelet you had made years before that had the building’s key tied to it, and tossed it hopefully in the right direction. It did chime the slightest bit when it hit the ground, but the sound was muffled by the shuffle of shoes on the ground. With a smile, you closed your bedroom window, and turned to head to the front door to meet your guest.

“How the fucking fuck did you make it this long?” The man asked as he climbed the last set of stairs to the third floor.

“My brother.” You sighed as you held on to your front door. “He came and got me after the fall and we’ve been here ever since.”

“Just you two?” He asked as he looked around your neatly organized yet still cluttered apartment. His eyes landed on a couple photos on the wall as you closed the door behind him, one of which was of you and a man that had to be your brother, and one of a much younger you in a wedding dress beside a man in an Army uniform. “No husband… kids?”

“Just me.” You breathed as you thought about the love of your life. “My husband was killed in Iraq before this even happened. We never had kids.”

“I’m sorry for your loss.” He said as he looked back at the way you were standing nervously by the door. “I’m Negan.”

“Oh! Sorry, I’m (Y/N).” You put your hand out in the general direction of where you thought he was and heard the subtle clump of his boots as he took a side step over to be a little more on the mark for you. “So I have a little food I think. Not much anymore. The water in the building works sometimes, but we can’t run the generators anymore. Needed the gas for the truck for runs since I couldn’t help but that broke down, too. I can show you the map Jake made in case something like this ever happened of places he cleared…”

“Or I can just take you back to my community.” He interrupted as he looked around at what he could see of your living room without moving to see what weapons and supplies you had that would be useful to him. “We have hot water, working bathrooms all the time, food…”

“Oh, please…” You said as you took a step toward him, desperately. “Please, I know I don’t seem like someone worth saving because I can’t see… but I’m a teacher. I taught fifth grade before the fall. And I can sew really well, and I can still help with laundry. Please, I swear, I’ll do anything I can to contribute… hell, I’d even sleep with every single person in the community…”

“Whoa, whoa!” He interrupted as he took a step forward and gently slid his fingertips from the tips of yours down your palm to hold your hand still, silently telling you to calm down for a moment. “You never, ever have to fucking use your body to keep yourself alive, you hear me? Just because the fucking world ended, doesn’t mean we are reduced to simplistic animal behavior. Now, you can come back with me, because you’ll be my way back in, anyways. Long fucking story. But I’m not in charge there. I’m actually a prisoner there for shit I fucking did six fucking years ago… And there’s a good fucking chance that I’ll be right back in fucking jail…”

“Are you sorry?” You asked as you held on to his surprisingly soft hands. He sighed and nodded his head.

“Yea… I am. And I didn’t know it until today.”

“OK. Then we’ll bring you back because then they have to keep me, right? They wouldn’t just toss a poor blind woman out on the streets, would they? They can’t be that heartless. I’m so innocent, and I’m such an easy target. They might as well just tie a bell around my neck and paint me with blood when they cast me out. And I can just… like make it a condition that you come back too, to help me because I’m blind and all.”

“Wow.” He chuckled, liking how you had really thought this one through, and used your disability to your advantage. “You are one crafty son of a bitch.”

“Well I have to do something instead of watching TV.” You teased. “If you want to leave now, I need you to help me pack a couple things. I don’t know what time it is…”

“It’s still early in the day, sweetheart.” He said as he turned to follow you back to your bedroom. “We can take our time. I’m in no rush to go back to a cell.”

——

Negan chuckled to himself as he listened to you cheer on the back of a motorcycle he had found in the parking garage of your old building. It was the first time you had ever rode on one and while it was sort of terrifying, it was extremely exhilarating.

“Why can’t we do this forever?” You yelled to him as you stuck your left arm out to the side like a wing as you held on to his waist with your right arm.

“Not enough gas.” He yelled back. “You like it?” You nodded your head as you closed your eyes and tilted your face toward the sky to feel the warmth you hadn’t felt in years. He glanced at you in the side mirror with a smile for only a second before a gun shot startled you both. You yelped and jumped, which made the bike wobble violently.

“Don’t wiggle! Don’t wiggle!” He yelled as he stuck both feet out to try to keep the bike upright so you didn’t have to deal with road rash. He hit a patch of small rocks, and that coupled with your panic and the speed he was going, made the bike slide to the side and thankfully, straight into the overgrown, wet grass. As you flipped over him, he managed to catch your tumbling body and he held you awkwardly to his chest as you both rolled down the embankment into a muddy ditch.

“What the hell was that?” You asked as you ‘looked’ around to try to get your bearings.

“My captors.” He growled as he pulled you up out of the mud. “You alright?”

“Do you see any blood?” You asked as you started to pat your body to see if anything was broken or hurt. 

“I just see mud.” He said. “Come here, give me your hand.” You nodded and held out your right hand for him as a gun cocked behind the pair of you.

“Lotta people are out looking for you.” A small voice said as you tried to walk up the steep embankment at Negan’s pace.

“Wait, you have to go slow.” You said as your foot slid a bit. “Can’t see, remember?”

“Going slow.” He said as he switched your hand in his and wrapped his arm around your waist.

“Why can’t she see?” Judith asked as she watched you try to find solid footing while adjusting your duffle of clothes and the flag that covered your husband’s casket which was your most valuable possession in the world on your back.

“I lost my eyesight.” You told her with a small smile as you tilted your face up in her direction. “I was in a bad car accident when I was sixteen and I wasn’t wearing my seatbelt because I thought I was really cool. I hit my head really hard and I was in a coma for a while, and when I woke up, I couldn’t see. And there was nothing the doctors could do to fix it.” You huffed as you finally made it to the top of the little hill and smiled. “So I’m blind. I’m (Y/N).”

“Judith.” She said as she took your offered hand. “Judith Grimes.”

“Well it’s very nice to meet you. I figured I’d bring you back your prisoner if you’d be willing to let me come, too. And if not, you’re gunna see a blind girl run, and I promise you, it’s not pretty. I’m like a newborn baby deer all wobbly and flail-y.” Judith giggled as you turned your head toward a distant shuffle of leaves. “We’re not alone.”

“Alright, Jude. Let’s get back to the fucking walls.” Negan said as he grabbed your hand and arm to guide you better. “Can’t leave the baby deer out here to die, can we?” Judith shook her head and turned around to head back to Alexandria as she pulled a walkie talkie from her back jeans pocket. She radioed in to the other members of her group as you laced your fingers with Negan’s.

“They’ll let me stay, right?” You whispered as you leaned into his side.

“Yea, baby girl.” He whispered as he bent down to kiss the top of your head reassuringly. “They’ll let you stay.”

——

You weren’t put in a cell, per say, but you were left in an otherwise empty duplex house in Alexandria. You were kind of used to being alone, since your brother was always going out to try to find food and supplies but you felt safe in his house. Here, you were on the ground floor, of a house you didn’t know your way around, in a community that you weren’t even sure was safe. And how in the hell was it so quiet?! At home, you opened your windows and you could hear the world around you, animals scurrying through the trees, and a cacophony of buzzing and chirping from bugs and birds alike. The occasional growling of the infected as they wandered past your building in search of nothing. But once you finally located and opened a window, the world was silent. Almost eerily silent.

There was no birds, which made you wonder if there was some kind of net over this community to keep them out. Which would explain why there was no bugs as well. Obviously, there was no infected here, that was the whole point of a safe community. You didn’t hear any people, which was somewhat even more unnerving and honestly, you were terrified. The longer you laid on the slightly uncomfortable couch, the more you wanted to go back home to safety. Tears welled in your eyes as you searched for your walking stick on the floor, grabbed the blanket off the back, and got up off the couch. You knew you only had to go down a flight of stairs, turn right, and walk exactly fifty-two steps to where the members of Alexandria had separated you and Negan. The problem was, however, making it there by yourself.

“I can do this.” You chanted under your breath as you walked at a nearly glacial pace out of the house so you didn’t trip. “I can do this.” You tried to keep your tapping soft so that you didn’t alert anyone in the community, but you felt like it echoed in the silence. You nearly tripped on the first step and squeaked a bit so you quickly slapped your hand over your mouth and closed your eyes because it ‘helped you hear better’. There was a soft ruffle of tree leaves from a light, cool breeze that raised goosebumps on your arms, but other than that and a distant cough, there was no other noise.

“Stupid stairs.” You whispered with a sniffle as you slowly walked down the flight step by step until you hit the bottom. “Hate stairs.” You turned right and started counting steps, swinging your walking stick back and forth, looking for potholes, rocks, branches, or anything else that could trip you up. But, being your semi-clumsy self, you managed to trip on air on step fifty-one.

“Are you OK?” Someone said to your right, which made you startle, and tear up again in fear. “You can’t be here.”

“Please…” You said as you stood up awkwardly and clutched at the blanket that cushioned your fall. “Please, I wanna go home.”

“Sweetheart?” Negan asked, sleepily. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“I wanna go home.” You said with a shake of your head as you took a few steps toward his voice. “Please. Please take me home.”

“Wait, stop. Stop!” He said a little loudly, which made you freeze and cry a little harder. “OK, there’s a small flight of stairs in front of you. I don’t want you to fucking fall…”

“Negan, she can’t be here.” The man beside you said as you took a small, slow step forward toward the first step.

“Look at her! She’s fucking terrified, Gabe!” Negan snapped. “Babygirl, step down. There you go. Two more.” He went back and forth between swearing at Gabe to let you come to him, and directing you toward him until you made it to the cell window. “I’m here. You’re alright.” He said as he stood on his toes to reach through the bars for your hands.

“Take me home.” You begged as tears streamed down your cheeks. “Please, you promised you’d keep me safe. I don’t feel safe here.”

“Baby, you are safe here.” Negan tried as he cupped your cheeks in his hands while you clung to his wrists. “I promise…”

“Negan, please…”

“Let her in.” A woman, whose voice you didn’t recognize said behind you who had heard the commotion and come to check it out. “She feels safe with him, let her stay with him. Keeps her in one place anyways. I’ll deal with Michonne.”

“She’s going to be pissed.” Gabe said as he pulled the jail keys from his pocket and headed down the stairs behind you. “Come on, let’s go.”

“Go with Gabe.” Negan said softly as he gently pushed you in that direction. “Fucker, help her with the stairs! She’s fucking blind! No, take his hand, (Y/N). You’re coming to me, I promise.” You nodded your head and forced yourself to let go of his hands as Gabe took hold of your arm. He helped you down the next small set of stairs, through the first basement door, and to the cell. You wiped your cheeks and tried to control yourself as Gabe unlocked the cell, and passed you to Negan.

“OK, OK.” He cooed as he wrapped you in his arms, and walked you back into his cell. “Shhh, I’m here. You’re safe now.”

“I wanna go home.” You sobbed into his shirt.

“I know you do.” He said as he rubbed your back. “But we’re here now. And you know as well as I do that if we go back to your home, we’re going to be in a world of trouble. There’s no more food out there to scavenge, there’s no one out there to watch our backs. We’re both better off here even if that means you have to come visit me in a cell.”

“It’s too quiet here.”

“It is really fucking quiet here.” He agreed as he pulled back to walk you over to his bed. “But that can be a lot of fucking fun. It’s a low bed, I won’t let you fall… there. You see, I’ve learned the fun part about being stuck in this fucking shit box is what you can hear in those silent moments. Like sometimes, when the guards think I’m asleep, they get a little freaky on the stairs. And you’re guaranteed to hear gossip all damn day long. I bet with your hearing, you could hear even more. We could have a lot of fun with that shit, right? There’s a wall behind you, scoot back. It’s a small bed.” You nodded your head and sniffled as you laid down and scooted back until you hit the wall with your back. 

“There’s a girl. And I know you can’t see them, but there are some pretty fucking great walls around this place.” He continued as he took off your shoes for you, and checked your knees and palms to make sure they weren’t scraped up from your fall. “At least three times as tall as me and here, this is how tall I am.” He laid down in front of you and wiggled down the bed so that you were nose to nose on the flat pillow. He moved his legs forward so that your toes touched his shins and your hips hit the lower part of his stomach. “I’m six foot two…”

“You’re so tall.” You whispered as he pulled your blanket free and laid it over both of you because it was much bigger and much more comfortable than the he had had for the past six years.

“Ever think you’re just too damn short?” He teased as he scooted back a half inch to not crowd you too much. “Pocket sized. Adorable… Hey look, there’s a smile.” He breathed as he ran his fingers through your hair and propped the pillow up with his arm for you. “I knew I’d find it again.”

“You make me feel safe.” You nearly whispered as you reached out to hold on to his shirt.

“Good.” He said with a nod as he stared at you, selfishly grateful that you couldn’t catch him because you were honestly just too beautiful for him to look away. “Now, I don’t know about you but I’m exhausted. Get some sleep, we’ve both had long days and the gossip starts early around here.”

“As long as I can stay with you.” You whispered even more softly as you closed your eyes, and scooted impossibly closer to him on the twin sized bed. He sighed subtly and kissed the top of your head.

“I’ll try my fucking damnedest to keep you here, baby girl.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Negan laid on his bed, which was currently sitting in the middle of the room, with his feet up on the wall on either side of your hips so you wouldn’t fall over, watching you teach Judith Language Arts through the window. It warmed his heart with how patient you were with her as you taught her the different parts of of a sentence and how to recognize them. Much more patient than he was when it came to helping the young Ms. Grimes. Every once in a while, you would reach down with your left hand and gently touch his ankle to make sure he was still there before putting your hands back through the bars to continue to use them to gesture. And every single time you did it, it made him smile a little more.

It had been almost a full week since you had willingly locked yourself in his jail cell, and you had been a complete trooper about it. You didn’t blink when they put a plastic chair and a bucket inside the cell for you to use for a toilet, you simply turned it around and used the old scratchy blanket as a make shift door. You didn’t complain that there was literally nothing to do beside stare at a wall like he had been doing for years… and you couldn’t even do that. But it didn’t phase you one bit. You were completely content with just being with him.

“Judith, go home.” A woman’s voice you didn’t recognize said a few seconds before she headed down the stairs in front of you just as you were finishing up for the day. Negan shot off the bed, and grabbed your hips to help you down.

“Michonne.” He told you as he held your hand and let you step down to the floor. “She runs this place.” You nodded your head and held his arm as the main door opened.

“So you think it’s OK to just run off, do you?” She said with a sickeningly even hiss. “You think… it’s OK to just decide who is welcome in this community now? You think you make the rules here?”

“She’s blind…” Negan tried as he kept you partially behind and partially beside him, protectively. “She needed…”

“She’s an outsider.” She interrupted. “She can’t be trusted.”

“You kick her out.” He growled as he pushed you a step behind him, and backed you up against the wall. “And you better let me go with her far, far away from this fucking place because you don’t even fucking know the wrath I will rain down on this place if you don’t.”

“No, Negan… it’s OK.” You tried as you slid your hand down his side to find his hand.

“Fuck no, it’s not.” He said as he glanced down at you. “I promised…”

“And you had no right to do so.” Michonne interrupted as she took a step forward to unlock the cage. “Against the wall, Negan. Time for her to go.”

“No, that’s not happening.” Negan tried as he gripped your hand tighter.

“I can figure it out…” You tried as you started to shake, completely terrified of what would happen to you if you left this cell but hating the confrontation. Tears welled in your eyes as you held on to Negan’s shirt, and hid your face between his shoulder blades.

“Move aside, Negan.”

“NO!”

“Mom, let her stay.” Judith said behind her softly. The room got silent as Michonne’s boots turned on the concrete floor. 

“I told you to go home…”

“She’s a teacher. She’s more helpful than Negan was with my homework.”

“I don’t…”

“She’s really nice.” The girl continued in your defense. “She even wants to stay in the cell. She feels safer here because she can’t see the walls. And she brought Negan back to the community.”

“This isn’t up for discussion, Judith.” Michonne snapped.

“Would dad cast her out?!” Jude asked, loudly. “She’s a blind woman… Listen!” She shouted before her mother could interrupt. “She needs our help. We can’t send her to the Hilltop because they just got new people. And she can’t go to the Kingdom because they don’t have the space. If anyone needs our help, it’s her.” Michonne stayed silent for a moment, and Negan reached back to hold you too him. You were holding his hand so tightly in fear you didn’t know how you hadn’t broken his fingers. The back of his shirt was soaked with your tears, and you continued to shake as Michonne shook her head.

“It’s up to the council.” She stated finally. “But she’s not staying in here with you…”

“Then turn one of the duplexes into a cell.” Negan suggested. “Look, I know you fucking hate me, I get it. I really do. But I know there’s nothing left in this world for me. Compliance, that it. Let me stay with her, keep her feeling safe, be the person put in charge of fucking blind girl watch so she doesn’t jeopardize the community and you don’t have to lose a worker to making sure she feels safe, and to make sure she can find her way around. I’ll even help turn the house into a cell myself. Bars on the window, bars on the door, locks, guards, permanent house arrest, the whole fucking nine. I can help her teach…”

“I can tell you where there’s a bunch of books, clothes, furniture, and other stuff that you can have. A steel door for the jail cell house that only has one key to it.” You said as you leaned around Negan. “It’s my old house. It’s still secure. You can have it all if you want it. Please, just let me stay. I’ll do anything. But I have no one left. My brother left three weeks ago and didn’t come back and he was all I had. Please, I’ll stay in the house jail, too for as long as you want. And I only eat once a day, that’s all I need. You won’t even know I’m here…”

“It’s not up to me.” Michonne interrupted as she held her hand up to stop you. “Because if it was, this conversation would have ended long ago.” She sighed and shook her head as you slid back behind Negan to hide again. “Let’s go, Judith.”

“Taking it to council?” Negan asked as he took a step forward.

“I’ll deal with you later, Negan.” She snapped before she slammed the door, and headed back up the stairs.

“What does that mean?” You asked as Negan pulled you around him and gently pushed you down on the bed to move it back into place for the nap you both took after you taught Judith all morning since there was nothing better to do with your time.

“It means that we have to hold our fucking dicks and just fucking wait. Feet up.”

“You’re so classy.” You huffed with a smile as you laid down on the bed and put your feet up on your blanket as Negan pushed the bed back up against the wall.

“You know it.” He chuckled as he gave you another gentle push toward the wall, pulled the blankets back, and flopped down on the bed. He took your shoes from you and dropped them on the floor behind him beside his as you pulled the blankets up over the pair of you.

“You’ll run away with me, right?” You asked as you lifted your head to wait for his arm for your pillow. “If they say no, I mean.”

“Of fucking course I will, baby girl.” He said with a nod as he tapped your back so you knew he was comfortable. “I will claw through the walls to protect you.”

——

“It’s so fucking big.” Negan said as he stood in the living room of your new jail cell, which had taken two weeks to ‘secure’ with parts of a repurposed wrought iron fence that was found near your old apartment, and the steel door that lead to the garage (after you had deactivated the shot gun booby trap your brother set up under the watchful eye of Michonne.)

“Do you feel free?” You asked as you sat on the couch with your arms resting on the back of it.

“Oh, you have no fucking idea.” He chuckled as he came over and cupped your jaw in his hands. “Thank you, baby.” Your smile grew as he leaned down and gave you a chaste kiss. “Fuck, I wanna cook. You hungry? I’m cooking.”

“I hope you’re a better cook than I am.” You said as you shifted on to your knees. “I took lessons to learn how to cook being blind and I set fire to the lesson center.” Negan burst out laughing as he started pulling pans out of the cabinets to cook part of the rabbit that was just a small part of your designated (and frankly decent sized for an apocalypse) rations for the week that you were happily sharing with Negan, who was only given lettuce and tomato ‘sandwiches’, a medium size piece of deer meat, and some older looking fruits and veggies for lunches and dinners, and some oats for breakfasts. “OK, it was just a small fire apparently, thank you. And I couldn’t see it.”

“You can’t see shit, baby girl.”

“Besides the point.” You snapped. “No one was hurt, and now you get to cook all the meals so I don’t burn the new house down. Congratulations.”

“Well, I have to say, thank you for being blind.” He chuckled. “You got me out of a cell, and got me actual meat for the first time in six years. Thank you for that as well.”

“Of course, sweetheart.” You said with a nod as you got up to slowly walk over to the kitchen and the breakfast bar you knew was there. “Tell me when I hit the island.” He glanced up at you as he started cutting up some peppers to make sure you didn’t trip or run into anything. There were only thirteen steps from the couch, across the front foyer, and to the edge of the island, and Negan gave you a warning a step or two before you hit the counter.

“How long will it take you to learn the house?”

“The house will take about a week, maybe two.” You said as you pulled out a seat and sat down. “Smaller spaces are a little easier as long as things don’t get moved around. Jake used to do that with the couch foot stool. Pissed me the fuck off.”

“What an ass.” You nodded as he tossed the peppers in a pan to sauté.

“He was… save the seeds. We can cheat, and grow some more veggies in that spare bedroom or up on the roof. I won’t tell if you don’t.”

“That’s why you insisted on the damn book shelf. Crafty little bitch.”

“No, I wanted my books,” You said with a smile. “My books which have over two hundred packets of herbs, fruits, and other veggies in them. My mason jar collection stocked full of dirt that I ‘couldn’t bear to leave behind’, and my wedding vases that I also filled with the dirt from my bigger planters, and wrapped in my clothes and stuck in the suitcase upstairs. We got those, along with four dozen or so metal buckets in various sizes, the two decorative antique wagons, and the wood crates that are holding the mason jars. Oh, can’t forget the two watering cans full of more dirt, the plant food, and the bag of rocks and the bag of even more dirt in the bottom.” Your smile grew as you folded your hands and rested your chin on them for a moment, proudly, before tilting your head to the side and pouting. 

“I don’t understand why people underestimate the blind girl. It’s like they feel sorry for me because I can’t see… but I’m the craftiest mother fucker in this place. Just gotta wander around with my hands out to the side, over-exaggerate my blindness, and cry a little when I trip over some books I know are there and everyone wants to avoid you because it makes them uncomfortable. Which is why I was able to bring most of my little garden from home and say it was just my rock collection and clothes. Which is technically not a lie at all.”

“Well Goddamn.” Negan said with a shake of his head. “You are un-fucking-believeable.”

“I’m not doing anything special.” You said with a shrug. “I’m just taking advantage of what I got. And if they do well enough to sustain us, we can share, or we can just cut off part of our rations and make ourselves look a little more favorable to Michonne.”

“Yea, I’d go with the latter on that fucking plan, sweetheart.” He sighed as he went back to cooking. “Share any extras only if they continue to supply meat for you since you can’t go out and hunt your own and I can’t fucking leave to go out and hunt for you. They’d love not having to feed me anymore.”

“Yea, well they’re idiots. When you get a chance, do you think I could bother you for a glass of water.”

“Of course, sweetheart. Then while I cook, you can figure out where you wanna put your record player so we can finally listen to some music. There’s a small table to the left of the TV stand that has a plastic plant on it that you can put on the floor.”

“Oh, you just have no sympathy for the blind, do you?” You laughed as he slid the water across the counter toward your hand. “Thank you.”

“I don’t play fucking favorites.” He said as he pointed at you with the knife in his hand he was using to cut a single carrot into thin strips to make it go farther. “You may have everyone else fooled that you are helpless, but not me. Figure it out.”

“You’re no fun.” You teased as you pushed your water to the center of the bar and got up to set up your music station.

“You’re the one that wanted to stay with me, sunshine. Coulda stayed with one of the fuckers that coddled you instead.”

“Na, I think you’re gunna be better in bed.”

——

“Hey, you ready for… what in the fuckin’ fuck happened in here?” Negan asked as he walked into the guest bedroom you had been working in all morning. “The fuck did you do to my shirt?!”

“I’m blind, alright?” You snapped as you finished filling the last wagon with dirt. “We have a vacuum… and yes, I’m ready for you.”

“Yea, apparently I needed to keep my fuckin’ eyes on you just putting fucking dirt in pots.”

“Bite me.” You giggled as you grabbed the stack of seed packets, and stood up carefully so you didn’t knock anything over. “OK, they gotta go in an order so I know what’s what, OK?”

“Tell me the order.” He said as he took the packets from you and toed some dirt back on to the tarp that was laid out to protect the floor when you watered the plants. With a nod, you stuck your hand out to find the wire shelves, and took a half step closer.

“Herbs across the top in the Mason jars. Basil, cilantro, dill, mint, oregano, parsley, rosemary, sage, and thyme. Alphabetical order, front, back, front, back, left to right.”

“What about the lavender?” He asked as he started to lay the packs against the jars you had pointed to. 

“They go in the box on the floor by my feet with the chamomile, and the echinacea. Here, I’ll hold that one.”

“Here’s all three.” He said as he slid the packets in your hand. “What’s in the first set of pots?”

“OK, these ones are carrots, radishes, and more carrots. Yes, I know I said it twice. Carrots are my favorite.”

“Well alright then.” He said with a nod as he laid out the next set of packets for you. “Next row, the smallish pots.”

“OK those are um… lettuce, kale, spinach on this shelf and red peppers, yellow peppers, and green peppers on the next. Like a stop light. But don’t use the red pepper packet. We’ll use the new seeds because those were good peppers.”

“I’ll grab them from down stairs when I’m done.” He said as you crouched down and sat on the floor by the bottom shelf and the pots that were on the floor.

“OK, now. We gotta go in a weird order because these are all things that are droopy or need to be stood up with the rulers, or wrapped around the stand in that back corner that I hope you can see because I can’t…”

“Ha… ha… ha.” He said as he sat down beside you. You smiled and leaned forward to touch the crate in front of you.

“So flowers in the middle. Tomatoes in the left wagon, and cucumbers in the right. Then the peas go here, green beans slightly behind the cucumbers. Eggplant back, squash in the front, and… wait do I have another planter over… here we go. This one is for the onions.”

“Shit, baby girl, we’re gunna be eatin’ good!” He chuckled as he leaned in front of you to toss the packets where you wanted them.

“We haven’t even gotten to my favorite part yet!” You teased as you rubbed what you hoped was his back and not something awkward like his side. “We got fruit, next.”

“Oh, baby girl!” You laughed and nodded your head as he sat back in his spot.

“Up here by the tomatoes is the watermelons. They are cute little baby ones, but they’re so damn juicy. Then honeydew, cantaloupe, lemons, limes, and pomegranates in the back there. Oh, wait, no. My bad, start them by the door so the pomegranates are by the watermelon. Sorry. And these ones start there, too. Blueberries, blackberries, raspberries, strawberries, apples, and grapes. I don’t know if some of them will work in these smaller pots but it’s worth a try until I can get them outside or get them in bigger pots…”

“We can put them in cooking pots when they get bigger then. We have a lot of them I only need two at most. You have cherries, too?”

“I do but I don’t have much luck with cherries. We can try ‘em in the vase if you want to.”

“How about we save them for next time then?” You nodded as he tapped the left over packets together. “I’m gunna hide these in our closet then I’ll come help you plant.”

“I’ll be here.” You said as you grabbed the honeydew packet and flicked it a couple times. “Gettin’ dirty, and makin’ a mess.”

“I’m not cleaning that shit up, baby girl!” He yelled as he stashed the seeds somewhere the Alexandrian’s wouldn’t find them. “You make the mess, you fucking clean it!”

“I don’t think it’s gunna work that way.” You said as you started your little garden. “No, I don’t little babies. Not at all.” He chuckled as he came back in the room, and sat down beside you.

“Alright, teach me.”


	2. Chapter 2

Since you had moved into your house, your mornings all started out exactly the same. There was always wandering hands that started at your bare breasts and ended knuckle deep in your pussy and a well endowed cock that went from swelling against your back to being buried in your core as you fought hard to keep your head from hitting the headboard with every slap of his hips. But the morning was different.

“Negan…” You gasped as you held on to his wrist with one hand as the other had a death grip on the metal poles of your headboard while he held your legs open with his and kept your body against his with his arm so you couldn’t move away from the assault. “Please… please, please, please.” He growled behind you and nipped at your shoulder when your stomach turned violently. “Wait, wait, stop.” You said as you pushed at his hand. “Move, look out…”

“What? What happened?” He asked as he instantly pulled back to let you get free. You shook your head and slapped your hand over your mouth as you ran toward the bathroom. You hit the door frame hard and stumbled into the room just in time to get sick in the toilet (and thankfully not all over the bathroom). “Damn, didn’t realize I was that revolting.” He teased as he pulled your hair back and kneeled beside you.

“Fuck you.” You groaned before getting sick again. He grabbed you a glass of water off the sink, and pulled some toilet paper from the roll to hand to you when you flushed the toilet and sat back against the wall. 

“You OK?” You shrugged as he got a washcloth wet and laid it across your forehead.

“That’s morning sickness.” You said as you gestured in front of you. “I know it. I warned you…”

“Yea, and I don’t fucking listen.” He sighed as unseen fear raced across his face. “How the fuck do you know this is morning sickness?”

“Because I didn’t use the tampons that were dropped off last month. I’ve spent the last three weeks waiting for this, debating whether I wanted to tell you or not.”

“The fuck wouldn’t you tell me?” He snapped harshly.

“Because I didn’t know how you’d react to getting the woman you are imprisoned with pregnant.” You grabbed the washcloth and looked over at him as you balled up the toilet paper you had used to wipe your mouth and tossed it toward the toilet. “Look, let’s be honest here, Negan. I like you. I really like you. But I’m still unsure about how you feel about me. I can’t see the way you look at me, I can’t see if you stare at me when I’m reading, or gardening. I can’t get you to talk about your feelings, or much of your real past, not the one you created in this world. I can’t get you to talk about much of anything of importance, honestly. So I have zero idea of how you’d feel about this news. And I waited as long as possible to try and get those answers but you skirt around the topic so here we are. 

Am I just another fake wife to you? Just someone to waste time with while you do your time? Were you gunna push me down the stairs when you found out? Was it going to freak you out when you realized that you were stuck with me for the rest of eternity in this shit hole of a world? Did you want to be saddled with a blind baby mama and a baby, both of which you would be responsible of seeing for until your child can take care of me since I can only care for it in a closed environment. I know none of this because I can’t even see the look on your face as you sit here, and hear this news right now. So you tell me, would you want me to have told you sooner?” With a heavy sigh, you closed your eyes and let your head fall back against the wall.

“Jesus fucking Christ.” He grumbled as he sat down on the floor beside you. “You think I’d push you down the fucking stairs?”

“I dreamed it, OK?” You snapped as you ran your hand through your hair.

“Fucked up dream.” He commented as he put his hand on your bent knee. “You know, I always wanted a son. A little boy that I could teach to play baseball with. I always wondered if he’d run on the damn track team I coached after school. Wondered if he’d be a pain in the ass in my gym class when he was a teen just because he was my fucking kid. Lucille couldn’t have kids. Cancer. She’s the only true wife I ever had. The other ones were to pass the fucking time, sure. But you… you’re the first woman I actually wanted to get to know more than just with my fucking dick.

Did you know you crunch your nose when you read something you don’t like? And you bite your bottom lip, kick your feet, and squeal when you think something is cute. You hum when you garden; that is, when you’re not talking to the plants. You can’t see me… but I see you. Every fucking day, I see you. I see the love in your eyes when you look at me, whether your looking directly at me or you fucking see me or not. I see the concern when I go silent, when I can’t find the words to say to explain the fear I feel because I’m falling in love with you faster than I feel for Lucille. And I’d be fucking honored to have you in my life for the rest of mine. 

Yea, I’m fucking terrified right now, not because you’re pregnant, but because I can’t fucking lose you if they take you from me because of this baby. I’d go fucking crazy if they took you from me. I don’t give a fuck that you can’t see. I don’t care that, God forbid something happen to us and we lose this place, that I’d have to take care of both of you. I’d happily fucking do it every day for the rest of eternity in this shit hole of a world. As long as I had you. But that’s what terrifies me, too. Because I can’t live life without you after this. I can’t, (Y/N). Because I love you.”

“I…” You tried, but you choked on the words. You put your hand up to cover your mouth as Negan put his arms around your bent knees and slightly awkwardly due to the angle lifted you on to his lap.

“I’m so happy, baby girl.” He whispered as he put his hand on your stomach. “Don’t you dare think that I’m not, you hear me?” You nodded against his chest and put your hand on top of his.

“I love you, too.” You said with a nod. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, baby.” He whispered. “We are just fine, you hear me? We are gunna be parents.”

——

“So what seems to be the problem, Negan?” Siddiq asked as he walked into your house a couple weeks later.

“It’s not me.” Negan confessed with a shake of his head as he locked the front door behind the doctor. “I just knew I wouldn’t be allowed out to bring her to you and I don’t wanna fucking lose her because of this since I’m still public enemy number fucking one and all. She’s up here.” Siddiq nodded his head, gripped his med bag tightly, and followed Negan up stairs to the open master bedroom door as the latter grit his teeth since this was the last thing he wanted to be doing. “It was just fucking morning sickness at first. Simple, once maybe twice a day. We were gunna wait to say anything for a while, but the last week, she can’t keep anything down, she’s running back and forth to the bathroom every fucking five seconds. We’ve cut our rations from you because she’s growing her own from shit she brought from home so I was thinking it’s their fucking fault but that doesn’t make sense…”

“OK, let’s just slow down for a second.” Siddiq said as he stopped at the end of the bed and took a look at your pale, sweat covered face. “First and foremost, when was your last period?”

“Ten weeks ago.” You sighed as you scooted over the slightest bit for Negan to sit down behind you so he would keep rubbing your back.

“Alright.” Siddiq said as he set his bag down on the bed and unzipped it. “Do you have any multiples in your family?”

“My brother and I are…” You stomach turned as the doc kneeled on the bed in front of you to take your vitals.

“OK, that would be my first guess on what’s wrong.” He said as he stuck a thermometer under your tongue and gently pulled your arm out from under the blanket. “Multiples almost always lead to stronger morning sickness. But first I’m gunna get you on some fluids because with how pale you are, I’m worried your very close to dehydration. The food is gunna be the hard part.”

“Don’t want food.” You groaned as you curled your arm back under the blanket.

“Baby, we’ve gotta get you to eat something for the baby.” Negan tried softly as he fixed the blankets for you. “Want me to get this one cold again?” You nodded slowly as he moved your hair and pulled the washcloth away from your neck. Siddiq watched through his eyelashes as he took notes, both physically and mentally, since he had never seen this side of Negan before.

“He’s worried you’ll tell someone.” You whispered when you heard Negan’s boots on the stairs. “He’s worried you’ll tell and they’ll take me away… or they’ll be mad that I’m growing food so you don’t have to feed him… he just wants to be a good man… he’s a good man…”

“Your secret’s safe with me.” Siddiq said as he reached under the blankets for your wrist to take your pulse. “But let’s get you feeling better before we start worrying, OK?” You nodded your head and closed your eyes to go back to sleep as Negan walked back into the room with an ice cold washcloth in his hand.

“She fall back asleep again?” He sighed as he sat down behind you again and put the washcloth back on your neck. “She hasn’t been out of bed for three days…”

“What does she have in her little garden?” Siddiq asked as he sat back, and got off the bed. “Ginger? Peppermint?”

“No ginger.” Negan said as he got up and gestured for the doc to follow him. “The peppermint isn’t full grown yet. We do have blueberries, raspberries, and quite a few veggies… Don’t move shit, though. She’s got it all where she wants it.”

“Holy shit.” Siddiq said as he stepped into the spare bedroom. “Wow, you’ve been busy.”

“She brought the seeds from home.” Negan said as he leaned against the doorway and looked at all your hard work. “When you guys took her back for the door, she packed all this shit so she could feed me so you’d stop having to. I was getting shit for meals anyways so this was a better option in her eyes. You guys don’t want me here but you’d rather me be here than out there… so she stepped the fuck up to take care of me so you guys didn’t have to. She’s a good girl, my (Y/N).” He nodded his head and smiled as he bent down to pull a weed out of the blueberries pot. “She’s my angel.” He pulled another weed for you, set them on the tarp to toss out later, and stood up. “What can I do?” Siddiq cocked an eyebrow at him and cleared his throat as he glanced at the labels you had stuck in the front of the pots so when you told your boyfriend which plants needed water on which days, he knew which one you were talking about.

“Peppermint’s gunna help a bit with the nausea. Cut up a couple of these leaves as fine as you can, put them in some hot water for ten minutes or so, and then strain it into a cup. I have a bag of peppermints in my desk for the kids when they come in so I can bring a couple when I come back over. Ginger from our garden will help more… smelling both of them will settle her stomach. And then little meals. Few blueberries here, couple raspberries there. Stay away from the peppers. Peas may work, green beans are bland too. No spices. That’s the shitty part about the end of the world. No crackers and toast for sour stomachs.”

“So you said multiples?” Negan said with a glance over his shoulder at your slight whine of discomfort.

“There’s a possibility.” The doc said as he gestured back toward the master suite so Negan could go back to you. “They usually run in the family with women. I have an ultrasound machine in the infirmary so we can take a look when I come back up with the saline. I’ll bring some vitamin B6, and a bottle of prenatal vitamins, too. And once we get her back on her feet, we’ll figure out a way to get you two out of this house for some sun and exercise every day.”

“You can’t fucking take her from me.” Negan said as he sat down and pulled your hair away from your face. “Not my girl, not my babies…”

“We’re gunna figure it out, Negan.” Siddiq told him with a nod. “But right now, let’s get her back to being herself again.” Negan nodded his head and looked back down at you as the doc grabbed his notepad and a pen from beside his bag to take more notes. “I’ll be right back.”

“I’ll fix this, baby girl.” Negan whispered as he laid down on the bed in front of you, and picked up the washcloth to wipe off your face and chest. “I’ll make this better, I promise.”

——

Never in your life had you heard something so beautiful as the fast ‘tuh-wup’s’ of your babies heartbeats. It didn’t even matter to you that you couldn’t see them; in that moment, the only thing that mattered was that sound.

“Baby A is at 132 beats per minute.” Siddiq said as he jotted the baby’s current size and vitals down so he could start charts for the three of you. “And Baby B…” Your hand flew up to your mouth and you choked on your tears as a second heartbeat replaced the first. “… is 129.” You nodded your head and tried to stay as silent as physically possible to hear every last beat you could. 

“They’re our babies.” Negan whispered as Siddiq held the doppler wand in place for you and grabbed the ultrasound wand so he could see the twins.

“This is gunna be cold.” You nodded at the warning and closed your eyes as you reached over and felt for Negan’s hand. He squeezed your fingers but couldn’t take his eyes off the screen as it flashed a couple times and revealed your children for the first time.

“Oh, fuck.” Negan gasped as he leaned forward. “Holy fucking shit…”

“Are they perfect?” You asked with tears in your eyes as a flash of jealousy raced through your soul.

“They are so perfect, baby girl.” Negan said as he leaned over on his side in front of you on the bed. “They’re right beside each other, and laying head to foot like a fucking yin yang.” You nodded as he shifted your hand in his palm so he could draw the description for you on your palm. “Now, the one on the left, the one we’re hearing now, looks more like a baby at the moment. She’s got a normal looking head… and a peanut shaped body. You can see her little arm and her two legs… Yea, I’m saying this one’s a little girl.” You smiled as Negan huffed and moved his finger across your palm. “Now this one… this one is a boy. And fuck is he ever my son.” You giggled as the doc slid the doppler back over to baby A, while the ultrasound machine printed out a single photo for you to save paper. “So your son looks like a fuckin’ alien.”

“Negan!” You laughed as you finally opened your eyes and looked up at him.

“He fucking does! Alright, so he’s facing straight up… so picture looking down at someone in a bath tub. You can see… well I think they’re his knees, and maybe his fists or his shoulders or some shit… but they’re just four dots around his round little belly. But then, we’ve got his fuckin’ alien head…”

“Negan, I swear.” You giggled as you flicked his knee, weakly.

“Sweetheart, you’d think he looked like an alien, too. He’s got a giant fucking head with a slightly rounded point at the bottom. It is the stereotypical alien shape to a fucking ’t’. Just minus the eyes.”

“You are horrible.” You sighed with a smile as you ran your fingers across the side of your small bump as the doc cleaned up. “And if he looks like an alien, he gets it from you because I’m fucking adorable.”

“Oh!” He shouted loudly as Siddiq snorted a laugh. “OH! Listen here, you little shit. I’m fucking handsome as…”

“So you’re calling me the alien looking one?” You teased as you finished wiping off the aloe vera Siddiq had used for the ultrasound gel. “I’m the reason our kids is going to be ugly?”

“No!” Negan backtracked quickly. “No, not at all!”

“Yea, that’s what I thought.” You said as you pushed yourself up to go to the bathroom.

“Slowly, (Y/N).” Siddiq instructed as Negan lurched across the bed to help and to hold your new IV bag for you. You nodded your spinning head and covered your mouth with your fingertips for a second.

“I’m OK.” You tried. “I think…”

“There’s no rush, baby girl.” Negan told you as he kneeled down in front of you, which could have been a very dangerous move. “Take your time.” You nodded at him and breathed through your nose as the doc pulled your new meds from his bag.

“One of these a day… probably at night.” He instructed as he set the prenatal vitamins on the dresser. “I can only give you a week of B6 but that should be enough. Same instructions. Peppermints will help for in between. Remember, little bits of food throughout the day. It may be easier to toss the fruits into a blender and puree them like an applesauce. But that’s for you two to figure out. Just stick with bed rest for a few more days while we get your fluids back up, OK?”

“Thank you, Siddiq.” You breathed with a nod and a turn of your head in his direction.

“Doctor patient confidentiality, right doc?” Negan said a little harshly as he helped you to your feet.

“Absolutely.” Siddiq agreed as he finished packing up. “I’ll come by around dinner, and check up on her. Switch out her IV bags… I’ve got Alex making more saline solution as we speak.”

“We’ll be here.” Negan said with a nod before giving the visitor a tight lipped smile. You whacked him lightly in the side and pulled away from him to use the bathroom. “Thanks.” With one final nod, Siddiq headed out of the room to head back to work.

“You need to be nicer.” You hissed.

“I’m a fucking angel.”

——

“I have a bad feeling about this.” You said as you held on to Negan’s arm so tight, you were practically digging permanent half moon shaped scars into his arm with your nails.

“Baby, you’re fine.” He said for the hundredth time as he walked you down the stairs of your home to go on your first, twice a day mandatory walk around the town homes building.

“They’re not gunna like it.” You said as you protectively put your hand over your 13 week along baby bump that you couldn’t hide even in Negan’s shirt.

“And I don’t give a shit if they fucking like it or not.” He growled as he glared at two women who were working in the Alexandria garden that was across the street from your front door, who also instantly started to whisper to each other when your back was turned. “We’re not doing this for them, we’re doing it for the babies.” You nodded your head with a sigh as you let him lead you down the road, and once again, you were glad you were blind so you couldn’t see if anyone was staring at you.

“What do you think of Jude for a boy?” You asked softly as you leaned into your significant other’s side.

“Hey, Jude…” He sung with a smile as he pulled his arm free from your grasp to drape it around your shoulders. “I could do Jude. What made you think of that?”

“The truth?” You said as you glanced up at him. “My late husband. We were high school sweethearts, so we started picking out baby names when we were just teenagers. He managed to convince me that if we were ever to have a little girl, she’d be named Roxanne, so that he’d have a personalized song to sing to her to sleep. Which I guess I can be grateful we didn’t have kids because then I would have had a daughter named after a hooker.” Negan snorted a laugh as he steered you around a small dip in the road, and you nodded your head in agreement. “I like the idea though… especially now and especially with twins. They’d each have their own bed time song special to them, you know?”

“You know, I actually like it.”

“Really?!”

“Yea.” He nodded as he glared at Father Gabriel, who was standing in the doorway of the church, watching the two of you walk past. “What other names were you thinking, sweetheart?”

“Well for twins… I like Jude and Jolene if they are one of each.”

“Jolene… Jolene… Jolene, Jolene!” He sang with a laugh. “And how is that better then Roxanne?”

“Jolene is a home wrecker not a hooker.” You pointed out. “And it is Dolly Parton. Legend.”

“Alright, this is true. What about ‘Melissa’ Allman Brothers Band?”

“I love that song!” You cooed as you rubbed your bump, and continued past your stairs for lap two of three. “Oh, I really like Melissa. I always liked the idea of doing Lucy and Penny, too.”

“Oh, not a fan of the name Penny.” He chimed in as he continued his glaring. “But I like Sadie for a girl girl pair. Or Lucy and Jude.”

“No, I like Jude with Jolene. Quit scowling, I can hear it in your voice.”

“Fuckers need to quit staring.” He grumbled.

“This was your idea, my love.” You reminded him as you passed the stairs a second time.

“Yep, my fucking idea so that my girl and our babies are fucking healthy and not locked in a fucking house all day.” He said a little loudly, causing you to elbow him in the side.

“Negan, please.” You begged. “I just got off bed rest, let’s not put me back on it because of stress?”

“Alright… you win.” He sighed as he moved his hand down your arm, to around your waist, so he could cover your bump as well. “We’re almost done with this staring shit. Little less than a block left.”

——

You knew your walks would lead to nothing good, fast. You just weren’t expecting the backlash from it to be as big as it was. 

“OK, I think this looks normal.” Negan said as he twisted a hair tie round the bottom of the French braid you had spent the last half hour teaching him. “I’m not doing this fucker ever again!”

“You did great, baby.” You giggled as you reached up and pat the braid that wasn’t half bad. “I give you an A minus…”

“Oh, shove your A minus up your ass.” He laughed as he got up from the bed to put your brush back in the bathroom. 

“Fine, make it a B minus!” You teased over someone knocking on your front door. “What where you aiming to make me look bad?”

“Baby girl, you couldn’t look bad if your life depended on it. Stop, I got it.” You nodded, and stopped on the stairs so that he could slip past you to get the door.

“Wait, didn’t the doc come yesterday?” Your brow furrowed in confusion for a moment as he opened the door and all hell broke loose.

“Let’s go, Negan.” Michonne said as she quickly pointed a gun into the house and up at you so he would comply. “You’re not here to play fucking house…”

“Over my fucking dead body…” Negan said as you stepped down a step. 

“What’s going on?”

“DO NOT POINT YOUR FUCKING GUN AT MY FUCKING GIRL!” Negan roared over the sounds of boots stomping across your foyer, up the stairs, followed by a scuffle. “Don’t! Don’t fucking do this!”

“Negan?” You said hesitantly as you stepped down another step.

“You gotta stay here.” A voice said directly in front of you, as the woman put their hand on your shoulder. You startled and lurched back as you instinctively shoved her away and down the stairs.

“Negan!” You yelled as you ran down the stairs as fast as you could, chasing after the sound of Negan’s shouts as they seemed to get farther and farther away.

“(Y/N), stop! Let me go!” Negan tried as he was dragged in iron hand cuffs back toward the jail cell. His heart started racing even faster as he watched you run out the door and in a split second decision, not caring about Rosita’s gun pointed at his forehead, he yanked himself out of Michonne and DJ’s grip and ran. “Baby stop! NO!” 

For the second time in his life, Negan watched his entire world fall apart. The air was forced from his lungs as he watched you take a step on ground that didn’t exist at the top of the stairs, at the same moment Laura tried unsuccessfully to grab your arm and pull you back. His knees gave out, and his legs stopped working as your head bounced off the stairs and your whole body went limp in mid air, thankfully in a partial ball around your belly. He physically crawled to the steps of his home, the home he shared with the woman he planned on really marrying one day, the home he shared with the mother of his babies, the love of his life, who landed on the asphalt in a crumpled, broken ball.

He tried to say something, anything, as Rosita took off running to get Siddiq, but no words came out. Silent tears poured down his cheeks as he pushed your braid off your face, and cupped your cheek in his shaky hand. His eyes danced from your closed eyes to your fifteen week along bump and back and he shook his head frantically as DJ stepped up, unlocked the cuffs, and stepped back.

“Negan…” Michonne tried as she looked at what she had inadvertently caused while Siddiq came running around the corner with one of the infirmary beds in tow.

“Fuck you.” He growled as he looked up at her with more hate and rage than she had ever seen from him since the day they had met. “You better fucking hope they’re OK, or I’ll make Glenn’s death look like mother fucking child’s play, you fucking heartless bitch.”


	3. Chapter 3

Tuh-wup, tuh-wup, tuh-wup, tuh-wup.

Static

Tuh-wup, tuh-wup, tuh-wup, tuh-wup, tuh-wup, tuh-wup.

Static

Tuh-wup, tuh-wup, tuh-wup, tuh-wup, tuh-wup, tuh-wup.

Static

Tuh-wup, tuh-wup, tuh-wup, tuh-wup.

It was the only noise Negan could stand to hear for two whole days as he sat in the infirmary with the fetal doppler wand in one hand, and your hand gripped tightly in the other. For two days, he went in a circle checking your heart beat, then Baby A, and lastly Baby B, before repeating the pattern again. He didn’t eat, he didn’t sleep, all he could do was pray that you would wake up. He needed you to just wake up already. 

“Come back to me, (Y/N).”

Other than Siddiq and his two nurses, who all sat vigil in shifts to monitor you from across the room, the Alexandrian’s didn’t dare step foot in the infirmary. Michonne, who completely blamed herself since she was the one who made the call to move Negan back to the jail cell out of jealousy, spent the better part of those two days, organizing every single piece of maternity clothes, and baby supplies Alexandria had to give to you when you made it home… if you made it home. She had the gardeners collecting every pot for plants they could find since they didn’t use them anyways, and she asked Laura to make sure the plants in your house, which she was originally going to confiscate for the community, were watered and taken care of.

Tuh-wup, tuh-wup, tuh-wup, tuh-wup.

Static

Tuh-wup, tuh-wup, tuh-wup, tuh-wup, tuh-wup, tuh-wup.

Static

Tuh-wup, tuh-wup, tuh-wup, tuh-wup, tuh-wup, tuh-wup.

Static

Tuh-wup, tuh-wup, tuh-wup, tuh-wup.

Your head pounded painfully when you woke, and the rhythmic sound that had filtered through your dreams all night wasn’t helping at all. You huffed and shook your head slowly as you reached up to push at your boyfriends hand so he would stop obsessing over the babies.

“Negan, stop that. I’m tryin’ to sleep.”

“Oh thank fuck.” Negan gasped as he turned off the doppler and jumped up from his chair. “Hi, baby girl.” Your brow furrowed at the sound of tears in his voice and you opened your eyes.

“What… the fuck?” You asked as, for the first time in fourteen years, you saw a face looking back at you. You shot across the pillow and blinked a few times in disbelief. “Am I dreaming?”

“No, baby. I’m here. You’re OK, you’re safe. The babies…”

“I can see you.” You interrupted as you searched his tear filled brown eyes, and looked at the short brown hair you loved to run your fingers across, the more salt than pepper beard that tickled your shoulder every morning when he snuggled closer to you, and the handsome face that was even more beautiful than the one in your dreams. “I have to be dreaming.”

“You…” He tried with a gorgeous smile as a man appeared out of a blind spot.

“(Y/N), I’m Siddiq. How are you feeling?”

“I hurt.” You said as you looked away from him and back at Negan’s slightly blurry, tear stained face. “Head hurts, side hurts, ass hurts… what’s going on? Why can I see you?” You looked back over at the doctor, who was a little more blurry than Negan was as he recorded your blood pressure and pulse.

“You missed the steps, baby girl.” Negan said softly as he kissed your fingertips. “Hit your head pretty good and rolled down the rest.”

“The babies…” You gasped as you yanked your hand away from him to feel your stomach.

“They’re fine.” He said as he put his hand on top of yours. “You balled up around them and protected them. I know, it’s OK.” He cooed as you started to hyperventilate and cry.

“I don’t get it.” You said with a shake of your head as you looked up at the love of your life again. “Why can I see you?”

“That is honestly a medical mystery.” Siddiq said with a shrug. “Maybe hitting your head a second time jarred the part of your brain that wasn’t receiving the signal from your eyes. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to give you an answer for that in this world.”

“Oh Negan…” You whispered as you reached up and gently touched his cheek. “You’re so handsome.” He huffed a laugh and leaned into your touch as you noticed another blink spot. “I have blind spots. I can’t see my arm… I can’t see anything over here until about here.” You held up your left hand and pulled it partially in front of your body where your peripheral kicked in.

“OK, we’ll worry about the eye sight tomorrow.” Siddiq said as he moved to the end of the bed where you’d be able to see him. “Right now, we’ve gotta worry more about your concussion and the babies, OK? You are lucky those are your only injuries. This could have been a lot worse.”

“But the babies are OK?” You asked again as you rubbed your bump and looked down at it.

“The babies are both fine, I promise. I’ve been monitoring them closely for the past two days. For now, I just want you to get some rest. You’ve been though a lot these last couple days and rest is the most important thing for your recovery.”

“You’re staying with me, right?” You asked as you looked up at Negan, focusing directly on his eyes, which made him smile brightly.

“I’m staying right here, baby girl. I’m never leaving your side.”

——

“Look at this place.” You whispered as you sat in a rocking chair on the back porch of the infirmary, looking out at the lake, a pair of cute houses, and the tall wall that surrounded your home. You sighed and rocked slowly as you rubbed your bump and closed your right eye to try and make your left eye a little stronger when it came to distances… which you didn’t think would help but it was the doctor’s orders so you did it anyways.

“Perfect place to raise a family, right?” Negan asked as he sat on the ground facing you on your right side, smirking at the face you made when you used only your left eye. You looked over at his little huff and pouted as you opened your right eye.

“Quit making fun of me, jerk!” You giggled with a gentle shove of his shoulder. “Why are you picking on me?”

“Because you are just too damn cute, sweetheart.” You smiled and leaned your head back on the back of the chair to stare at him some more, getting in every last minute of sight you could just in case this was some weird fluke and destiny took your vision away again. 

“I love you.”

“You just love me because I’m all hot now.” He teased as he rubbed your thigh.

“Oh, yea I’m that shallow.” You said with a nod as your fingers danced across your stomach. “Has nothing to do with the whole, rescuing me, loving me, and giving me babies thing. None what so ever.”

“Negan?” Laura said carefully as she stepped out on to the porch. He stiffened and stood up to stand between you and her and Michonne, who stopped in the doorway and didn’t dare take a step farther outside. “Can we talk?”

“Neither of us have anything to fucking say.” He growled as he turned you around so you could actually see.

“Then you can just listen.” Michonne said.

“You have no fucking right.” Negan growled as you reached up to grab his hand. “No fucking right to come near her!”

“Negan, just calm down.” Laura said as she held up her hands. “We’re here in peace.”

“Negan.” You said softly as you squeezed his hand. He glanced down at you and huffed with a shake of his head.

“What?”

“The council has decided to suspend your jail sentence. But there are conditions. Realistic conditions, but conditions all the same. From what I’ve seen of your crops that I’ve been watering, you two can support yourselves, you just need a little more room. Council has agreed to let you do so. We’ve got bigger planters for you to spread out, more rocks, and dirt. But you’ll need to supply your own seeds so what you’ve got is what you got. 

If you have extra, and would like to share with the community, we’ll give you meat and other supplies. Simple trade. I saw you had some fruit trees. When those grow bigger, you can move them out across the street from your house. Same agreement, you share, we supply. You don’t need to contribute to the community if you don’t want to, consider yourselves Switzerland to our Europe. But, if she teaches the kids, we’ll pay with supplies you need. 

You still can’t leave. You may be out of jail, but you still can’t be trusted. You can walk around within the walls when you’d like, for however long you’d like, but Negan I swear, if you choose to leave, she will suffer the consequences. Sorry, it was an unanimous council decision after what you did. You can try to make requests for supplies for runs but we don’t go out often anymore and there’s no guarantee we’ll find what you request. And you’ll need to pay for the time and energy we put in to finding and retrieving it. 

Now, we will allow you one, I repeat, one run to the baby store closer to town that we only partially cleared because we only needed things for one baby and we were in a rush. And after the four babies the community has had, a lot of the stuff is a little thread bare. As an apology for this, we’re willing to go with you to help you clear, but you have one overnight trip to complete the trip. That’s all…”

“Can we stop at my old apartment building on the way?” You asked as you leaned around Negan to look at Laura and Michonne.

“You have one run, and twenty four hours total to do it in.” She repeated.

“I want you.” Negan said as he pointed at Laura before his finger moved over to point at Michonne. “And I want you as far away from my fucking family at all times for the rest of your fucking life. You come near her or my children and I will leave Alexandria in a fucking heartbeat. You toxic…”

“Negan!” You hissed as you yanked on his hand. He looked down at you as you took a deep breath.

“Fine.” He said with a nod. “For you.” He looked back up at Laura and nodded his head. “How many people can you give me, and when the fuck can we get out of here?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Stay in the cart for me.” Negan said softly as DJ pulled the first of two horse drawn carts into the boutiques parking lot. “Let me clear it, then you can come find the shit you want.” You nodded your head as he grabbed a baseball bat covered in barbed wire off the floor and glanced up at the two other people he had brought on the run that he apparently trusted most; Laura, and Gabriel. “Let’s go.” You looked around, still surprised that you could do so, and shook your head at it all.

“What happened to the world?” You sighed as you watched a walker stumble out of the broken window of the nail salon across the street.

“It all went to shit.” DJ commented as he grabbed his bow and arrow and quietly got out of the cart to wait for the infected to either stumble away or come closer. “And it’s not getting any better.” You turned your head to look at him until he was out of your blind spot as he lowered his weapon when the walker simply walked away.

“We’re clear in here.” Laura said as Negan came out to help you out of the cart. “DJ, you’re out here, Gabe, with me. Michonne wants everything left that they don’t take so we’re packing it all and we can sort it at home. Anything more than a couple, you yell, and we’re out.”

“Come on, sweetheart.” Negan said as he tossed his bat into the cart to slid his arm under your leg and behind your back.

“Well at least chivalry didn’t die with the rest of humanity.” You giggled as he set you down and grabbed the bags you had brought with you to carry everything you needed back. The three Alexandrian’s who had thought they had seen every side of Negan before, all exchanged a look when he rubbed your bump, bent down, and gave you a chaste kiss.

“Let’s go, we’ve got a lot to do in a short period of time.” You nodded your head and headed inside to do some ‘shopping’. You couldn’t help but smile as you stepped in the quaint store. This moment had been one you had looked forward to since you were a little girl. This just wasn’t exactly how you had planned it. “Come on, baby girl. I know I’m rushing but we have to get going.” You nodded your head and sighed through your nose as you grabbed one of the bags from him and headed to the right side of the store. You blinked your eyes rapidly to try to get them to focus in the darker building faster as you looked at the packages of bottles in front of you.

“Which one’s supposed to be better?” You asked as you looked at an Avent Anti-Colic all in one gift set with a bottle warmer and sterilizer in it. “Ooo, this one comes with a warmer…”

“Sweetheart, I love you, but if you don’t pack your fucking bag with everything in front of you that looks good in a two fucking second glance, I’m gunna fucking banish you to the damn cart, you hear me?”

“Rude.” You said as you grabbed two of the sets.

“Different babies like different bottles.” Laura said from further down the line as she emptied the shelf of every cloth diaper they had. “Just fill the bag, make sure you grab the ones that look a little better to you so you have them, and leave the full bag on the floor. I’ll grab it and we’ll sort it out back at Alexandria.” You glanced over at her and nodded your head as you started to pull the packages off the shelves.

“So she fucking listens to you, but not to me.” Negan huffed with a smirk as he strung rope through boxes of diapers of various sizes to hang from the wagon so you’d have more room to sit on the way back.

“Negan, I’m pregnant, leave me alone.” You snapped as you threw pacifiers in with the nearly full bottle duffle.

“Hate to break it to ya, sweetheart. But you’re fucking stuck with me.” 

It took the four of you half a day and one very emotional melt down on your part when you felt one of the babies move for the first time to shove thirty duffles, another forty large shopping bags, twelve overflowing diaper bags, four boxed up convertible cribs, three toddler beds, and mattresses for all of them, three stroller/ carseat sets, half dozen pack and plays in their carrier bags, and a bunch of other miscellaneous stuff and furniture stacked high in the two carts. You were so exhausted from being on your feet and carrying around your two pear sized, seventeen week along babies that you passed out cold against Negan’s chest on the trip to the secure barn where you’d be spending the night.

“They just stopped walking.” You heard Laura said in your sleep as she stopped her cart beside yours.

“Babe, lay down, stay quiet, don’t move.” Negan said as he shook you awake completely. You nodded slowly, confused as to what was going on as Negan grabbed his bat and jumped out of the cart. He watched the large group of walkers standing in the middle of the road, hesitantly before calling out, “Are you dead?”

“You’re people are where they don’t belong!” A woman called out, and something about her voice made your skin crawl. “There will be no conflict. We don’t want what you have. We want you off our land. Leave now and don’t come back.” You turned the slightest bit where you were laying to find Negan as he swung his bat back over his shoulder and nodded his head.

“Just passing through.” He called out to her with a small shrug. “We have a pregnant woman with us, we don’t want conflict either.” You could barely hear the low murmur of whispers as you looked over at Laura, who was sitting up as straight as an arrow with her hand on the machete on her lap, as she glanced over at Gabriel, who was driving the cart you were in.

“You took all the baby carriers.” The woman called out after a few minutes of discussion. “We require one sling, and two disposable diapers. Then you may pass.” You looked back over at Negan, who simply nodded, not wanting to fight over a few pieces of baby supplies with you in the cart.

“We can do that.” He said as he glanced back at DJ. “Get ‘em.” You rolled on to your side and sat up to quickly search one of the duffles you packed to find one of the seven carriers the store had had you had grabbed.

“These ones OK to give?” DJ asked softly as he held up a two packs of grey cloth diapers to show you.

“That’s fine, just fine.” You said quickly as you quickly grabbed a package of silicon, green pacifiers that folded in on themselves if you dropped them, or put them down so they stayed sanitary, a couple plain onesies in various sizes, and a small gift set bag that had wipes, baby soap, baby lotion, and a tube of diaper rash cream as well.

“Babe, can you hurry the fuck up?” Negan demanded through his teeth as you told DJ to open the diapers so you could shove everything in the small travel bag.

“I’m going, I’m going… I’m done.” You said as you shoved the last diaper in, zipped the little tote bag closed, and turned around to hand it and the carrier to Negan. “Pacifiers, clean onesies, some soap… Give it to them.”

“Good girl.” He said proudly as he took the bag from you. “Stay down.” You nodded your head and laid back down as he turned and walked a few feet in front of the horses to meet the walker woman. She nodded her head at the meager payment, and turned toward the side of the road, signaling to the rest of her group to clear a path. “Go. Go.” Negan said as he jumped up into the passenger seat and gestured forward while he laid his bat down on his lap. “Keep eyes for regular walkers.” You sat up the slightest bit, and grabbed Negan’s shirt as the strange looking walkers lined up on the shoulder started to pass you.

“Baby…”

“Stay down.” He growled at you. You nodded as he reached down and grabbed your hand to keep you calm, as a walker woman holding a sleeping baby nodded her head at you in thanks. With a small nod back, you covered your own bump with your hand, and looked away so you wouldn’t stare at them. “We’ll get to the fucking barn tonight and take the long way back tomorrow.” Negan said to the other cart once the last walker person was out of sight. “Better be safe than fucking sorry for the whole communities’ sake, right?”


	4. Chapter 4

You felt very uneasy as you stood in the barn, separating what you wanted from the store that day from the stuff that was going to Alexandria’s stock pile for any future babies born to someone in the community.

“Do you know what you’re having?” Gabriel asked as he watched you hold a package of hooded towels close to your face to see the pattern because you couldn’t see well at night. You smiled and nodded your head as you set the blue giraffe patterned towel on your pile beside a pink one.

“Found out yesterday morning. One boy, one girl. But we’re not telling anyone yet.”

“You must be really excited.”

“I’ve been excited.” You giggled as you looked up at him, struggling for a moment to find him in the dark against the lantern’s back lighting that was almost like looking into the sun. “I’ve been waiting for this since I was a girl.” You looked away from him to continue going through bags, when a sound, which was probably the fifth sound you had heard in the past couple minutes, made your eyes continue on to the wood siding.

“What’s going on, baby girl?” Negan asked as he came out of the ‘bathroom’ to help you organize.

“There’s something out there.” You told him as you closed your eyes to hear better. You reached up and laid the back of your hand on his chest a moment as you both waited to hear the noise once more. The three Alexandrian’s, who were all close enough that they knew what was going on, sat up a little straighter, and you pointed off to the left when you heard it again a few moments later.

“Stay.” Negan whispered as he grabbed his bat out of the wagon while Laura walked nearly on her toes over to a small window someone in her group had created when they had claimed and secured the barn years prior. You held on to the wagon and covered your bump as your boyfriend peered through the thin space between the slates. You turned to the right the slightest bit at a new noise and took a step back in fear.

“They followed us.” Laura whispered as she came back over to where you were standing to grab more weapons. “We need to prepare to move…”

“No, we stay fucking put.” Negan snapped under his breath. “There ain’t shit we can do by running out of here in the middle of the night. We’re out numbered, and probably out fucking gunned, too. So we sit here and fucking wait. Then tomorrow, we go back to the fucking Sanctuary. If they are following us looking for a camp to rob, we are just showing them some run down fucking shit hole that has no supplies, which means no need to fucking rob us and they move on their freaky, dead fucker wearin’ merry way. It’s in the opposite direction of their so called land ‘cause we haven’t run into these freaks before, it’s not taking them to anything worth shit, and if we stay there a day or two to lose them, then so fucking be it. But running out half cocked right now is just gunna get our dicks lopped off for no fucking reason. Think smart, not stupid, people.” The three of them nodded slowly as Negan handed you his bat and grabbed one of the machete’s from the stash in the wagon.

“We have to go back…” Gabriel tried but Negan simply glared at him.

“And I’m telling you right fucking now, I’m not risking my fucking family for you to go back on Michonne’s time. You forget, I kept hundreds of fuckers alive for years by not doing stupid shit in fucked up situations like this. You don’t wanna fucking listen, fuck off then. Go out and fight, go straight back home. But you can bet your ass I’m taking one of these carts, and my family to the fucking Sanctuary first. I’ll go back with you… but not if doing so puts my family in danger.” Since his final word had been spoken, Negan very gently put his hand on your shoulder and turned you back toward the wagon you were working on. “Let’s get this shit organized tonight since I know we’re not getting any fucking sleep. What can I help you with, baby girl?”

——

You were miserable. No, miserable wasn’t even the right word. You were hot, tired, hungry, thirsty, cramped, and in pain but at least some what thankfully on a mattress that was way to small for you. You were sweating in places that no person should have to sweat, you now had two babies that decided that your uterus was their own kick boxing studio, and you were pretty sure that your muscles were going to be stuck in a cramped ball for days after this experience. You had been stuck in this cart for three and a half days, going nearly in circles to try and lose this group and everyone had decided that you no longer cared if they were following you anymore, you just wanted to go home. All in all, you were in hell.

“How you doing, baby girl?” Negan asked softly as he poured part of his water rations on the sleeve of his t-shirt that he had ripped off to use as a wash cloth to try and keep you cool.

“Fuck off.” You grumbled as you adjusted your head on his thigh so he could put the sleeve across your neck to replace the one that was there. 

“We’re almost home, sweetheart. I promise, we’re almost there.” He moved the maternity top he had set up as a shade for you to see your reaction just as you huffed in annoyance and simply closed your eyes. He sighed and rubbed your back as he moved the shirt back into place, caught a glimpse of the motorbike Judith had made him wreck out of the corner of his eye, and looked up at DJ, who was driving the cart behind yours. “How far?”

“Ten tops.” He said as he gestured to the road ahead with his chin. “Two lefts this way.”

“Fuck, I miss cars.” Negan sighed as he laid his head back on the passenger seat. He looked down at you again when he felt water soak his jeans and his heart broke for making the love of his life go through hell. He gently lifted your head and scooted to lay down awkwardly in front of you. Your tears started to fall a little faster as you rested your head on his arm and held onto the front of his shirt. “I know.” He whispered with a nod as he laid his hand on your belly and gently poked at his children to make sure they were still moving. “I know, I’m a dick. I never should have brought you out here. I never should have put you through this…”

“No, you shouldn’t have.” You agreed with a shake of your head.

“And I’m a shitty asshole for doing it.” He slid his hand up your side to your cheek and used his thumb to wipe away your tears. “But, I’ll make it up to you. I know a nice cool bath sounds amazing.” You nodded your head but otherwise showed no emotion as he grabbed his shirt to wipe off your red cheeks. “And I know we have those strawberries in the fridge. We were going to eat them real soon and I think that and maybe some of that chocolate we found that’s probably melted as fuck would make a great dessert. And we have those deer steaks in the freezer… I’m sure we can see if we can get a couple potatoes and some butter as a special treat. How’s that sound, my love?” You nodded your head in agreement as he used his arm to sit you up a bit so you would drink some more water.

“Damn, Negan.” Laura said as she glanced back and down at you from the drivers seat of your cart. “When the hell did you chip the fucking ice off your heart?”

“Guess six years of imprisonment really does change a fucker.”

“Leave him the fuck alone.” You snapped as Laura finally turned the cart down the main road. Negan smiled at you and gave you a kiss on the nose before he pulled the shirts down to put them back in your bags.

“Alright, come on, guard dog.” He chuckled as he helped you sit up.

“I’m never leaving the walls again.” You groaned as your bones popped and your muscles protested being moved. “And I will fucking hit you with… with, with… with a broom if you even suggest leaving, too.”

“Trust me when I tell you I’m not going fucking anywhere.” He said as he started grabbing the duffle bags since you had way more stuff than you really needed, but it still wasn’t half the stuff that you had got. You were going to be prepared with toys and clothes for both babies until there were at least five years old.

“Where the hell have you been?” Michonne shouted the second the gate closed behind the second cart. “I told you twenty-four hours.”

“We were being followed.” Laura said as she got out of the drivers seat to help unhook the horses so they could get a much needed break. “Michonne, this wasn’t a normal group. They wore walker faces as masks.”

“They what?” She asked in disbelief as you found your footing outside the cart, and started to grab lighter bags to carry home.

“I think we lost them near the Sanctuary.” She continued. “Negan’s idea. They definitely followed us to the barn though. So we went from there to the Sanctuary, stayed there over night to give the horses a break, then took the long way home. It was the only way…”

“Come on, baby girl.” Negan said softly as he bumped you with one of the high chair boxes. “We got a lot of shit to get in the house. That shit ain’t our business anymore. You got home safe, my fucking job is done for the day.”

“Negan.” Michonne called out as Laura stepped past her to help you and a few other people carry your stuff toward your house so it was done faster. You both turned around to look at her as she nodded her head thankfully, but didn’t say anything.

“Didn’t fucking do it for you.” He said honestly. “I tried to protect you once. You weren’t a fan of how I ran shit. So now, I protect her, and our children. That’s fucking it. Your people are with me, they get protected all the same ‘so long as they fucking listen. But had they not fucking listened, and had they ran out of that fucking barn like they wanted to, I woulda let ‘em go, and not thought fucking twice about it. Not my fucking problem anymore.” With a single nod, he turned on his heel and bumped you again so you would keep walking. “Come on, mama. You wanted to get home so bad…”

“Shut up, Negan.” You said before you stuck your tongue out at him and headed down the road to your town home to take a nice long bath before a big, extravagant dinner.

——

“This is a stupid idea.” You whisper yelled at Negan as he finished switching out the old deadbolt on your front door to one he had on his bedroom door at the Sanctuary, which he now had the only key too.

“Shut up.” He said evenly around the key that he had between his teeth as he screwed the last screw into place. “You wanted your camera, and they said you could go get it…”

“They said we had one day to do that.” You hissed as you looked around the barely sun lit street to make sure everyone was still asleep. He shrugged and tried the key to make sure it worked before putting the screw driver he had found in the baby store on the floor in the foyer and grabbing Lucille, which he had hidden in one of the duffles the day before, and a duffle of all the plastic bags you brought from the baby store the day before.

“Let’s go.” He said as he pulled the door closed, turned the new lock, and stuck the key in his pocket. You sighed and took his hand so he could help you down the stairs since the world looked like it was all dark grey in this light. It was part of the reason why this ‘mission’ was a bad idea to you. The other part was the fact that only you and your significant other were going on this run, and it involved putting your now 18 week along babies on the back of a motorcycle for twenty minutes… which was twenty minutes too long for your liking.

“Where do you think you are going, Negan?” Eugene called out from the platform by the front gate.

“You’re gunna shut your fucking mouth if you know what’s good for you.” Negan snapped as he pointed Lucille at the guard. “Don’t you fucking make me use this.”

“Affirmative, sir.” Eugene stuttered back with a nod as he turned his back on you and Negan and pretended you weren’t there.

“Let’s go, sweetheart.” With another sigh, you slipped through the two gates and headed down the street with your kitchen knife in one hand and your old collapsible walking stick in the other for weapons.

“My feet hurt.” You whined before you even made it to the end of the road, because you absolutely did not want to be out of the safety of your walls no matter how badly you wanted your brother’s digital camera.

“They’re gunna hurt for a while then.”

“I can’t see.”

“That’s why I’m here.”

“I have to pee.”

“You just went twice before we even left the fucking house, so hold it until we get to your fucking apartment or piss your pants.”

“Neeggaaannn…”

“Keep walkin’, baby girl. Keep walkin’.” You groaned and turned to the right beside him while he glanced down at you out of the corner of his eye. “You’re fine. I promise. I’ll keep you safe.”

“You fucking better.” It only took about five minutes of sorta fast walking to get to the motorcycle, and another twenty minutes of driving to get you your old apartment building, and thanks to your son (could have been your daughter, they were still small enough to switch places but you blamed your son because he was usually closer to your bladder every time you had a check up) you actually really had to go to the bathroom when you got there.

“Negan, hurry, damn it.” You hissed as you danced from foot to foot outside your apartment door as he checked all the rooms since the building was no longer as secure as it once was (since the steel back garage door was now your front door). He glanced in the last room and nodded his head as he let Lucille fall to his side.

“Good. Go.”

“Fuck, fuck, fuck….” You muttered as you walked as quickly as possible to your bathroom, making it seconds before you peed your pants. You actually sighed in relief, which always made Negan chuckled as he locked your door, and started pulling out bags. “Stop laughing at me!”

“You’re just so fucking cute.” He said back as you walked out into the living room while pulling your new maternity jeans into place.

“I know.” You said as you glanced at the photos on the wall and stopped walking for a moment to look at your wedding photo. You took a step pack and gently pulled it off the wall to wipe the layer of dust off the glass. It was the first time you had seen John in fourteen years and fuck if he didn’t still take your breath away.

“You look beautiful.” Negan said softly as he stopped beside you to look over your shoulder. You smiled and tapped on the glass gently.

“This was the last photo ever taken of him. We got married just before he deployed. We were only eighteen here.” You huffed and shook your head as you brushed your thumb across the photo. “First time I’ve seen his face in sixteen years…”

“Let’s take it with us.” He said sweetly as he pulled the frame from your hand. “Even though the fucking world ended, doesn’t mean we should stop showing our armed forces some damn respect, right?” You nodded your head and smiled at him weakly.

“You’re too good for me.” You whispered as a lone tear fell from your eye.

“No, baby girl. I’m not good enough for you.”

“I disagree, my love.” You said as you pulled some photos off your family off the wall to take with you as well. “You are perfect.”

——

“Alright, check every fucking room, baby girl.” Negan said as he packed up the last of your upstairs neighbor’s spices into one of two ten pound bags of rice you didn’t even know you had. “The rest of the floors are all clear of basics.”

“All that’s left in here is the beds and dressers.” You said as you pointed to the two bedrooms on the left side of the hall. “Bathroom’s empty… we don’t need the plunger, right?”

“No, we got one.” You nodded your head and grabbed the roll of toilet paper off the bathroom counter before shutting the door behind you. “Pictures are gone, cords are gone, printer’s gone, books are gone. Kitchen’s done?”

“Kitchen’s done.” Negan said as he shoved the last of six and a half bags of sugar you had in one of your cabinets into John’s old military issue duffle he had found under your bed, on top of some of John’s and Jake’s clothes so Negan had a slightly more expanded wardrobe. “I left the plates and shit…”

“My Disney cup?”

“Except your Disney cup.” He said at the same time. “Got the Disney cup in the car already so you can drink your coffee and your fucking tea in the right fucking cup again… Trust me, I’m not forgetting that fucking cup.”

“Damn, I love you.” You said as you bent down slowly and grabbed the last two grocery bags of books from the living room to donate to the library.

“Let’s get goin’ before those fuckers send out a fucking search party for me again.” You nodded your head and looked around your old home one last time before heading out to the door for the last time. You walked carefully down three flights of stairs to the garage and stopped at the full work van that had previously belonged to the guy that lived on the second floor who never paid his rent on time (and who had his keys sitting right on the kitchen counter, thankfully). You set your bags on top of the pile when a soft, high pitched ‘meow’ came from your ankles. You stepped back and looked down as a tiny, grey, black, and white kitten walked out from under the van and looked up at you with gorgeous blue eyes.

“Oh, my God, look at you!” You cooed as you crouched down to pick the little baby up.

“No! No, no cats…”

“Negan, look at her!” You said as you stood up and cradled the kitten in your palms. “Hi princess. Where’d you come from?”

“(Y/N), put the fucking cat down. Let’s go.”

“Negan, she’s just a baby.” You said as you ran your finger down her tiny black nose before scratching her head. “Baby, please?”

“No. Look out.” He said again as he moved you out of the way gently and closed the back of the van.

“We can’t just leave her to be eaten.” You said as you glanced over at him once, before having to turn toward him fully so you could see him react to your begging pout out of the blind spot he had been standing in. “Negan.”

“(Y/N).” He said flatly as he turned to look at you with an unimpressed stare. “Put the cat down.”

“I’m not putting her down, Negan.”

“I will fucking leave you here.” He tried, even though both of you knew that was a lie.

“There’s a pet store just a block over.” You said matter of factly as you kissed the kitten’s head while she purred in your palm. “We’ll stop in there on the way home. There’s a Subway in the same plaza that will have more seasonings for you, and probably some bags of oil and vinegar and Italian dressing, too. And an Office Max for more picture printer paper and ink. Oh, can you check to make sure she doesn’t have any brothers or sisters, please?” You looked over at him with a giant smile, and took a step toward the passenger side. “I love you.”

“You… are a fucking pain in my ass, baby girl.” He sighed as he turned around to see if he could find anymore kittens, knowing that you would honestly stand in the garage all night over a little cat if he didn’t.

——

“Where the fuck have you been?!” Michonne demanded as she glared at you and Negan through the Alexandria gate. Negan leaned out the driver side window with a shit-eating grin and gestured over to you.

“You told her she could get her fucking camera.” He said simply as you tried everything in your power to keep your kitten, Misty, in your lap because you didn’t know if Michonne would let you keep her or not. “So I took her to get her camera. We brought some shit for you dicks, too. Don’t worry.” Michonne stayed quiet and the three of you sat in a silent stare off, waiting for her answer before Negan sighed. “Look, can you open the fucking gate?”

“You’re done.” Michonne finally called out as she signaled for the gate to be opened. “This is your last strike, Negan. Pull another fucking stunt like this shit, and you’re back in your cell. Have I made myself clear?”

“Crystal.” He smiled at her for a moment before driving quickly over to your house.

“I told you we’d be in trouble.” You said as you unbuckled your seatbelt, and put Misty back in your shirt between your breasts because that was where she had wanted to be all afternoon.

“Worth it.” He said as he turned off the car and got out to unlock the front door. “We’ll leave the stuff we’re donating in the van with the keys in it.” He told Michonne as she walked by to head home to make dinner for her kids. “Hodge podge of shit but you’re all fucking welcome to it if you want it. Consider it more payment for the meat she’ll get this month and next? I feel like she’s fucking earned it in her condition.”

“Negan, be nice.” You hissed loud enough for only him to hear as you carried your camera bag, your and Jake’s old laptops in a bag, and a half dozen hard drives from home up the stairs. “We broke the rules…”

“It’s fine, baby girl.” He said as he pushed the door open for you. “We’re gunna be fucking golden for a long, long time because we broke the fucking rules.”

——

You were actually surprised with how much stuff you had gotten in the last week. Your kitchen pantry and fridge was more full than it had ever probably been, your plants had moved from the nursery upstairs and had almost tripled with the new planters to take up most of the space in your former formal dining room. Their tables and shelves actually covered part of the kitchen floor, and part of the sun room slash office you had in the back left part of the weird, sort of open, u-shaped floor plan. That room currently had three laptops, a printer, and some of your brother’s old hard drives set up on an old desk from your next door neighbor so you could spend some time organizing his collection of family photos, and movies, both family friendly and of the pornographic nature. 

The open path way to the living room, which finished the path around the stairs, the small half bath, a small closet, and the stairs that lead down to the basement in the middle of the house, was currently littered with only a fraction of the cat toys you had grabbed, a couple scratching toys, and posts, and three massive cat condos, the last of which that Negan was in the middle of setting up, while swearing at you under his breath because he didn’t want a cat in the first place, and she kept trying to play with him while he was putting things together.

The second floor didn’t look much different yet, your closets were both a little fuller, and the former plant room was now full of boxes and bags of stuff for the babies, but the loft on the third floor looked like the baby store exploded up there and sort of resembled your basement as well that currently housed all the extra supplies in case something broke, or you ran out of something, and all the things you would need in a couple years that you didn’t want the community (that apparently hated you, too) snagging before you could use it. And as far as you were concerned, it was going to stay that way for a while.

“Negan, do these look evenly spaced?” You said softly as you adjusted the picture frames you had grabbed from home on the mantel of the fireplace. “I can’t tell.”

“Babe, I’m kinda in the fucking middle of something. Fucking cat, move!” You smiled and looked over at him as he very gently moved Misty off the top shelf he was trying to attach to the rest of the base and set her down on the stand at his knees since she was just gunna try to climb up the thing again. “Go jump on the other fucking thing.”

“She likes you.” You said with a smile as you watched Misty meow and shift her weight back and forth so she could make the big jump (for her) from the bottom shelf on to the next shelf and the little ladder so she could play with her daddy. You could see he was trying so hard not to smile as Negan watched her climb the three step rope ladder out of the corner of his eye to make sure she didn’t fall and get hurt.

“Alright, so I’m glad you kept her.” He said as he tightened the pole for the last stand and shook it to make sure it was stable. “But I didn’t say tha…” You smiled broadly and covered your mouth with your hands as he stared at the photo of him and Lucille on their wedding day that now sat opposite of your wedding photo on the mantel. “Where the fuck did you get that?”

“In your room at the Sanctuary.” You told him as he got up to walk over and get a closer look. “When you were dealing with the horses, I was being nosy in your room. Found a stash of porn in a dusty box under the bed… and I found her.” He stopped next to you and nodded his head as he carefully picked up the photo.

“Fuck, I thought they threw her out.”

“I’m gunna try to clean it up a bit when I get photoshop installed. Try to get these creases out for you.” He nodded his head and brushed his thumb across his late wife’s face.

“Thank you.” He said as he looked over at you with a hint of tears in his eyes.

“Of course, baby. I’m going to bed while the twins are asleep. We gotta reorganize the plant tables tomorrow so we can use some of the baby gates to keep the fur baby off them. Love you.” You kissed his cheek and walked over to grab Misty off the cat tower but Negan grabbed your arm and stopped you.

“I love you.” He said softly as he put his hands on your hips. “Thank you so fucking much. I don’t deserve you…”

“See that’s the thing.” You said as you reached up to cup his jaw with your hand. “You do. You just don’t see it yet.” You stood on your tiptoes and gave him a lingering kiss. “Don’t stay up too long, OK? You know I sleep better with you in bed with me.”

“I’m almost done down here, sweetheart. Got set up the fucking litter box for our bathroom and then your little fucking fur ball is all set.” You smiled broadly as he took a step around you to pick up Misty from the box she was exploring on the stand and hand her to you. “She’s not fucking sleeping on the bed.”

“Yes she is, Negan.” You told him as you took your cat from him and headed up stairs for bed. “I really don’t know why you think you can tell me what to do…”

“Because I’m the fucking man here.” He called up after you. “I’m the fucking man.” You stopped at the top of the stairs and turned around as you looked down at your large bump.

“And I make, carry, and birth the offspring, so I’m in charge here.”

“Alright, fine.” He conceited as he smirked and pointed up at you. “But not on my fucking pillow! I will put my foot down, there!”

“OK, baby.” You said with a smile as you headed into the bed room and laid down on your side of the bed. “You can sleep on mommy’s pillow, baby girl. I don’t mind one bit.” It only took Negan a few minutes to set up the fancy, self cleaning litter box he knew he was going to need to empty every week (no matter how many times you swore you’d do it) and by the time he made it upstairs with the box to go to bed, you had fallen fast asleep, and Misty had crawled out of your hand as was sitting above your head… on his pillow.


End file.
